Getting serious!

In anticipation of moving to our new flat together, Sue moved into mine on Sunday lock stock and barrel! There's stuff everywhere and the flat resembles Sandford & Son to a certain degree, but it's really happening!

Sleeman-tastic!

I emailed Sleeman's on Saturday to find out if they have any pubs in London apart from the Alwyne Castle in Highbury selling their brew on tap.

Well, I got an email today with a few places in South London that serve it up. One of them is in Wandsworth, which is well close to Streatham. Two guesses where I'm going this weekend!

Bring on the Honey Brown!

Almost there

I know I haven't written for a while, so I just thought I'd drop an update today.

This Saturday marks a special occasion for me. It's mine and Sue's six month anniversary. I've only hit this milestone once before and that was too long ago to remember. The difference between then and now is like night and day.

We've been getting along well and even though I expect the other shoe to drop EVERY day, it hasn't yet. I don't know why she likes me - and that frightens me to a certain degree - but I'm going to cherish the time she does and attempt to not shake up the mix too much ... just in case.

Hot steaming hell

So I made it back to Toronto for my summer holiday.

After a crazy number of queing moments, I finally arrived the day after the "Bombings" and have more than a few well wishers saying they're glad I'm safe. I have to admit, I am too.

Saturday I managed to put in an appearance at my brother's shop. It was the Grand Opening and they needed all the help they could get. Crazy busy doesn't begin to describe it.

So far the weather has been tolerant.

Today, however, has just been nuts. My sweat is sweating, it's so hot. I was out shopping and had to curtail my activities because of the heat... even with an air conditioned car. I have to ask who can handle this weather? Every time I left my air-conned POD (be it house, shopping mall or car) , the oppressive heat smacked me in the face like a comedy wet noodle.

I know that London has the world's worst summer, but I'd take temperatures you can actually live in over this. It's just hella-hot.

Yeck.

Our 9/11?

Well, as reports filter through the news today, it looks like our 9/11 in London has finally come.

My thoughts go out to all those who actually died today, and to the rest of us who are pretty much stranded in a locked-down city.

That's an event then

A day after we get the Olympics, the entire London transport network seems to have gone to hell in a handbag.

The trains have been delayed, as usual and the entire tube system has been shut due to power surges. Wonderful. And we think we can handle the Olympics?

Of course, power surge could be code word for actual bomb, and God knows there's enough terrorist cells in the UK that would love a chance like today to prove their worth.

This city is now in chaos and probably won't be sorted for days.

Thankfully, I'm off to Toronto tomorrow for a well deserved holiday. Granted their tube line consists of two lines as opposed to London ten-odd, but getting out of this bloody town seems like a great idea.

Olympics

Crap. We got the Olympics. After living through the happiness of Toronto's failed bid, I now have to put up with our crumbling infrastructure trying to cope with millions of extra tourists in the summer of 2012.

As much as they want to believe London's transport system WILL be able to handle it, I have my fears. It can't handle the flow now and while everyone complains, nothing is done. Do we really believe that for a fortnight in 2012 we're going to get THAT much added investment? I don't think so. There'll be tailbacks, sweaty delays on the overcrowded tubes and general malais.

I also trust the BNP-factions of Britain to come out and harrass the Olympic athletes in true ASBO/Yob style, proving once again that the "great" in Great Britain is there mainly for historic reasons.

Non believer

So tomorrow is the second month I have not been single... in a row!

I know it's kinda lame to celebrate the shortness of a relationship, sorta like the lameness of celebrating a baby's 3rd week of life, or what have you, but when I can still count the length of the relationship in days, I'm going to hold onto it.

Things have been going well, and I find that when we're apart I miss her terribly. I still kick myself that I'm in a relationship having been the celebate side of single since 1998... and all the happier for it for the most part. I keep telling myself that at the very least I'm not disease-ridden. Glass half full guy here.

At my age, I think you view relationships differently. In high school and uni you were looking for some fun, trying to get with the cheerleaders or whoever your mates deemed worthy or the hotties. Nothing was meant to last, and it hardly ever did. You weren't in it for the long term score.

You get to your 30s and if you can't see potential for a lengthy union, why are you in the relationship? I know I know, there's the serial people who still think they're in high school or don't wanna get close for some reason, but the average person who wants to settle down isn't playing the high school game anymore. I can see myself settling down with this girl for a nice long time, so I guess there's some future there.

I also know that we're still in the honeymoon period and there's a rather sugar-coated reality to the whole thing. I have to say, that not having been in a relationship for a while, I can't attest to the intricacies of the events that should unfold. By month four, am I supposed to wake up discontent? Is the sheen supposed to fade by month five? Six? Ever?

I just live each day as it comes, each week as it comes and keep pinching myself that it is real, that somewhere out there, there's someone who thinks highly enough of me to spend their time with me and thinking about me.

Ouch!

What a weekend

This weekend I did something I haven't done in years - I ordered takeaway pizza.

Hurridly hunting through drawers and paper piles, I found one flyer for some dodgy pizza emporium who, upon calling them, was told we were out of their delivery area. Apparently only for the pizza, as they were happy to deliver the flyers to our door.

We eventually got our Domino's pizza and enjoyed it, watching "Lost In Translation" on DVD and listening to the flat above us play drunken-volume reggae.

This weekend I also progressed my relationship with my new lady friend. Things seem to be going well there. I've really been able to relax and be myself, opening up and sharing things. It's been a long, difficult, single few years, but hopefully it's going to pay off.

I feel like the old casual Rich of old and that can only be a good thing.

Now, my new plan is to make a couple of compilation CDs for my new "friend". Sometimes I actually feel like I'm back in high school. Hippee!

Some Weekend

Apart from being amazingly tired due to the changing of the clocks (i didn't actually get out of bed at 7am did I??), I've had one hell of a weekend.

Sometimes, you have doozies, where you do bugger all and just can't wait till Monday morning and work, and other times you have such a weekend, you don't want it to end. This time it helped that the weekend was four days long as well!

We kicked things off on Thursday by FINALLY going to the Clapham Grand and their 80s night. I met a girl called Sue there and things kicked off. How odd for me. I haven't jinxed it by blabbering on to everyone who'll listen, but I do feel confident about this. Of course, a part of me is wondering how long before I screw it all up. Ah... SUCH confidence.

Friday was spent looking at a flat in Croydon, then hopping around the town centre doing some shopping. I can happily say that I've FINALLY replaced my iPod with Sony's 20GB equivalent and, apart from a couple of snags, I am quite happy with it. For a 20GB player, it's sooooo light.

Saturday, I had to drag my mate back to his place after him being out for a night and morning on the tiles. I took the opportunity of being in the West End to do some shopping. Bought a couple of Kirsty MacColl reissues, the Nine Inch Nails SACD finally and a couple of books.

It was quite the holiday for me, spending without abandon. I guess spending the night on Thursday liplocked in a night club freed up my little "do you really need to buy that voice" for his much needed holiday.

Having retired back to my mate's place with him, eventually, I had to retreat back to the big smoke on Sunday to get my brand spanking new Sony PSP from a neighbour of my parents in Toronto who had brought it over with her. On the way back, I managed to pick up the Bravery and Bloc Party CDs and yesterday was very very tempted to the new New Order album. As I said, my little voice was definitely on holiday.

All in all, it was a very productive and memorable weekend, kissing wise, gadget aquiring wise and CD buying wise.

Strange Musings

I'm sitting here, hacking and coughing, trying to feel better and I just feel old.

Sitting in my pajama bottoms, I just envision myself from the outside as some old middle aged fraud, huddled over his computer chair on a Friday night coughing up God knows what.

I feel sad and depressed. So. No change there, then.

I was watching an episode of Desperate Housewives on my PC in a vain attempt to catch up with the telly, and there's a blossoming relationship between a couple of the characters that, for some reason, really got to me. Underlined my depressing singleness, I guess. I don't know why. I've seen plenty of shows and movies with this type of thing and it hasn't affected me. I guess it's all about the right time and place, catching you in the right mood or what have you.

This relationship malarky. Many people seem to be able to pull it off quite easily on a daily basis. I see proof every where I look. I dunno why I haven't been able to crack it. Could it be cuz I'm a huge geek? That the catch I used to think I was in high school has been replaced with a hacking middle aged eyesore?

No one can blame me for being egotistical, I really dislike myself and maybe that's it. Deep down I don't feel worthy of happiness. Catholic guilt. Again. Wonderful.

I think I'll leave it at that, cuz I'm quite tired, and I have to get up to view a potential purchasable flat in the morning.

Looks like I may be growing up after all.

How we see ourselves

A gay bloke in the office once commented that he wasn't attracted to me cuz I was too geeky. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking for an entry point to the rainbow army. It emphasises the point that a lot of the time we don't see ourselves the way the world sees us.

When I was in my teens, I saw myself as cock of the walk, the leader of my gang. However, my gang was made up mostly of outsiders, so was I a large fish in a small bowl? The king of the also-rans?

Now of course, I see myself as a broken man. Someone who pissed away any potential, who has trouble formulating anything that could remotely be considered interesting conversationwise towards the opposite sex, and who is anything but the self-image I had in my teens.

I guess we do become a bit more wiser as we age, or maybe just a bit more pragmatic. I don't think I ever felt I could give Fonzi a run for the title of Cool King, but my self image has never been as low as it now.

Who knows, maybe my deflation has finally brought my self image in line with how the world's seen me all along.

Holy depression Batman

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get enthused about anything and I always find myself just on the right side of incredible depression. It's always the small things that keep me from the brink... things like pancake day, and such.

It's just that the crushing routine we all have to play along with in the corporate rat race game makes for a very soul crushing existence. I seem to only live to work and if that's not fulfilling, then what am I living for?

Of course, Catholic guilt is always rearing it's ugly head. I'm barely holding it together, but at least I have both my leg, all my senses, a decent paying job,e tc. So what right do I have to complain to collapse mentally? None. I should, by the book, be a happy chappy. Then why am I not?

I don't recall feeling this desolate when I lived in Toronto. Maybe it's something to do with being back in the UK? The hardships of trying to get ahead in London? Who knows.

I'm always worrying these days - will I have enough money for a downpayment of a flat, will we get broken into while at work, will I ever get rid of those CDs I shouldn't have bought, will I ever find love? All the questions they set up dodgy 0900 numbers for.

I guess the stress of unfulfilled everyday life can take it's toll. There has to be some reason I'm listening to the Manics.

Train times

What is it with British Rail that makes their trains never run on time?

I'm used to my train to work never arriving on time, but this morning was different. I had to take a later train as I was waiting for a guy from the garage come to assess the damage to my motor.

I took the 9.36am train from Streatham Hill, which left at 9.46am. Getting into Clapham at 10.00am meant I could take the 10.03am to Kensington Olympia and not be late. Only the 10.03 was now magically the 10.23am. Of course, this gave me time to try and get a rebate on train tickets.

Ascending to the platform at 10.20, and waiting until 10.28 the 10.23 suddenly became the "delayed". So... hopping on over to platform 2 to take the 3-car shuttle (why 3 cars, why?) the 10.35 became the 10.41am getting me to work just after 11am. Not bad for starting out 1h15m earlier.

Now I understand that the frequency of trains in and around the capital is something Toronto could only dream of, but if they're always going to be late or delayed or cancelled, where's the use in attempting to use them with any regularity.

Other shoe to drop

This past weekend didn't exactly go to plan. Friday night my parked car was stoved into by a guy who was rammed off the road.

So... my haircut planned for Saturday had to be cancelled, my motor's MOT this morning is off and hanging out with my mate in Brighton on Friday evening was definitely off.

All in all, this sort of thing makes you become a grown up rather quickly, as you have to deal with "claims departments" and police and complete strangers. All such fun.

Now three days after the event, all I can feel is deep embarrassment. It's taking all my fibre to actually admit to someone what happened. I don't know why, it wasn't even my fault. Not like I was caught drink driving or anything that would actually justify embarrassment.

Also, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Call it Catholic guilt, but I don't believe crap happens to people for no reason, and crap usually comes to the party with friends. Again, there's nothing you can really do about these sorts of situations, so I'm just steadying myself for the worst.

At least I got a partial rebate on train tickets I couldn't use a result of the situation AND I got to play Burnout 3 yesterday morning, so it's not been all bad.

Worlds Collide

Last night I had a strange case of worlds colliding.

The weather reports were of sub-zero temperatures, freezing rain, icy conditions and the usual winter malaise.

As I was out and about, I was a tad worried that the road would turn into an ice rink after I'd chipped the candy coating off my frozen in time car. Thus, I came to the conclusion that I'd be staying over in Sevenoaks, warm in the non-icy confines of my mates place.

Of course, none of the Canadian-style weather catastrophes happened. I went outside about 1am to survey the treacherous weather conditions and found little more than rain droplets on the windscreen.

Another case of extrapolating the worst that Canadian weather has to offer into an environment where those effects would hardly EVER be felt.

You can take the boy out of Canada....

Drat and double damn

Is it possible to big yourself up so much, you lose a job?

I always wondered that, and now I know it is.

You see I was going to a new position in a rival firm and embellished my achievements - not lied, mind you, but put more focus on smaller aspects of what I do in order to seem more hireable.

Well, I can tell you it didn't work. The firm in question, although they loved me and thought I'd be perfect fit, also thought I was overqualified for the role and believed the new position would result in me being bored senseless.

I tell you this - for the money they were offering, I would have gladly been bored.

Oh well.

Next time I should gauge the level of the job a little better.

We all live and learn.

What am I doing?

With every day that passes, the question of what I am doing with my life rears it head more and more.

Living in the UK, with all my friends and family having their lives happily pass before me doesn't exactly fill me with happiness.

I know, I know. Life is what you make it, the grass is always greener, etc.

I think the time I had in Sarnia is really affecting me. I just remember being so free and being able to hang out at mates' places at the drop of a hat, or enjoying a drink in a group. In London, a social life is such a task. Trying to make mates is a full time job, and not coming across as some desperate friendless feck is also not so easy. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but not the abundance or... (is class the right word?) as the guys and girls I grew up with.

I guess it's the same with everyone.

The people you experienced things together with for the first time will always share a stronger bond with you than those you casually meet years later.

The time I went and got a fake ID could never be shared with a new friend, neither could tales of drunken Canada Day parties in my parents' old backgarden.

Maybe I should stop living in the past (you think?) and get on with living in 2005. Maybe? Who says I should? Sometimes I think I don't wanna grow up. I want the love of a nice lady, sure, but the idea of kids sends the willies down my spine - how expensive are they? can i guarantee they won't turn out to be drug addicts or jailbirds or Bart Simpson? I may be 32.5, but I still feel and act mid-20s... tops.

Life only gets harder and crappier as you get older.

Not sure of anything

My misery in London was bound to abate when I reached Toronto, right?

Well, no.

I've been here just over two weeks, and the novelty factor is fading rather quick. I'm almost longing to get back to my (relatively) friendless, meagre existence.

They say you can never go home, and although I smacked that idea on the head this week by travelling back to Sarnia, I do believe, that in another sense, that sentiment is correct. All my mates are growing up, getting married and having families, and I guess that leaves a lot less time for "hanging out".

Take tonight, my mate M invited me to a dinner for his wife C and we ate at this overpriced restaurant (you just keep telling yourself you're there for the company, not the fleecing).

The whole thing ended at around 10.

In the usual world, we would have reconvened at another venue to continue the festivities. Instead, as C is preggers, M and her went home, and the others also dispersed, leaving me with a mixed bag of emotions heading home.

None of these emotions were anger, mind you. I just felt that a piece of history, or whathaveyou died there, as I realised that now with my mates, it's going to be family and wives that come first ALWAYS.