What am I doing?

With every day that passes, the question of what I am doing with my life rears it head more and more.

Living in the UK, with all my friends and family having their lives happily pass before me doesn't exactly fill me with happiness.

I know, I know. Life is what you make it, the grass is always greener, etc.

I think the time I had in Sarnia is really affecting me. I just remember being so free and being able to hang out at mates' places at the drop of a hat, or enjoying a drink in a group. In London, a social life is such a task. Trying to make mates is a full time job, and not coming across as some desperate friendless feck is also not so easy. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but not the abundance or... (is class the right word?) as the guys and girls I grew up with.

I guess it's the same with everyone.

The people you experienced things together with for the first time will always share a stronger bond with you than those you casually meet years later.

The time I went and got a fake ID could never be shared with a new friend, neither could tales of drunken Canada Day parties in my parents' old backgarden.

Maybe I should stop living in the past (you think?) and get on with living in 2005. Maybe? Who says I should? Sometimes I think I don't wanna grow up. I want the love of a nice lady, sure, but the idea of kids sends the willies down my spine - how expensive are they? can i guarantee they won't turn out to be drug addicts or jailbirds or Bart Simpson? I may be 32.5, but I still feel and act mid-20s... tops.

Life only gets harder and crappier as you get older.