Strange Musings

I'm sitting here, hacking and coughing, trying to feel better and I just feel old.

Sitting in my pajama bottoms, I just envision myself from the outside as some old middle aged fraud, huddled over his computer chair on a Friday night coughing up God knows what.

I feel sad and depressed. So. No change there, then.

I was watching an episode of Desperate Housewives on my PC in a vain attempt to catch up with the telly, and there's a blossoming relationship between a couple of the characters that, for some reason, really got to me. Underlined my depressing singleness, I guess. I don't know why. I've seen plenty of shows and movies with this type of thing and it hasn't affected me. I guess it's all about the right time and place, catching you in the right mood or what have you.

This relationship malarky. Many people seem to be able to pull it off quite easily on a daily basis. I see proof every where I look. I dunno why I haven't been able to crack it. Could it be cuz I'm a huge geek? That the catch I used to think I was in high school has been replaced with a hacking middle aged eyesore?

No one can blame me for being egotistical, I really dislike myself and maybe that's it. Deep down I don't feel worthy of happiness. Catholic guilt. Again. Wonderful.

I think I'll leave it at that, cuz I'm quite tired, and I have to get up to view a potential purchasable flat in the morning.

Looks like I may be growing up after all.